....The asphalt looked like shattered glass, illuminating the cloudy night that shingled amongst each other only miles above. It was divided by a yellow dotted-line down the middle that would serve as a guide for a truck to cut through from a jack-knife. The rain drops scattered at unknown patterns against the windshield, and looked like stars reflected from the oncoming headlights, only to be pushed away to the side for something more desirable, the view of the road ahead.
as I drove, the bishop wind peer pressured the victimized trees to become naked when winter knocked and to sway in hallelujah manners...
they repent before being cut to bibles to grow a fire in a book burning
what was left of their limbs and leaves
made cries of solstice
..made sounds of static in a distance
their shadows rippled the street with growing silhouettes of a cookie cutter crucifix along the road
they'd hold hands to a routine game of red rovers
my empty ears filled with the sound of the cracked passenger window that would cut vibrations into sounds of feedback..
..it was earlier than i thought
it was the taste of burnt tobacco and a slight after taste of a chewed up bubble game that chambered the feeling of solitude in my mouth. These memories felt like symptoms of a man who has come to the conclusion that his life is about to fall apart.
As my foot depressed the gas pedal towards the ground, i began to see her. Her and I, me and her…us.
My memories that once sprang a slow leak in the back of my mind, have now pressured the crack into a faucet like of what we once were. With every exhale of filtered smoke that passed through my lungs, came a cloud of desperate relief in a form of an inhale. As the nicotine started to invade my body with a rush of oxygen to my head, i could feel the blood in my veins flowing faster downstream to my arms. My thoughts were vibrated by the noise of my heart beat.
Before my wheels could finish a revolution of a car going 55 miles an hour, i felt the sudden shock of two colored metals attempting to merge into one.
The car began to yell as i felt the dashboard collapsing into my legs, slowly feeling the electronics of the steering column wrap around my knees..
and i let go.
...how my mind made a split second stretch into a minute.
…...how my mind made a minute stretch into an hour..
………….how my mind made a hour stretch into a day...
The windshield exploded like a firework, propelling its diamonds into my eyes.
I thought to myself ,a proposal of holy matrimony from this car into me being asked into marriage a thousand times at once…
The sound of the metal caused a ringing in my ear that felt like a dial tone of someone who won't answer back…i wouldn't need my ears. At this point, i cannot get by, by listening to a voicemail of her vocal chords strumming the sound of what i thought was once love.
i saw the flame march along the path of the gasoline towards my tin can coffin. They sang the song of the combustion snaps that we've all learned to love in comfort. As the surface began to brighten, i could feel the warm breath of the afterworld slowly welcoming me with sharp
sharp hands.
I closed my eyes.
Empty. Empty was all i can see and witness.
...i saw the fuzz i was familiar with, and the dancing dots behind my eyelids.
...they danced in circles.
they danced in kaleidoscope patterns.
they danced to the sound of my fast beating heart.
the radio characterized a priest to my ears mumbling the local news. it would bless me into whatever was to happen next…or rob me of my body and feed me to the abyss land.
radio: look! i am standing at the door and knocking. if anyone hears my voice and opens the door, i will come into his house and take the evening meal with him and he with me…
(revelation 3:20)
..i can hear the voice of a teenage boy with the vocabulary of slaughtered english screaming pass the wall of flames.
"sir!, wake up sir!.. give me your hand! we gotta hurry up! cops are on their way! your cars on fire! please wake up sir!"
i could see his arms and hands reaching, only to retreat from the temperatures of the engulfing flames. he repeated this ritual several times only to realize he was teasing me with the thought that he could be my savior.
"i can't reach you, the fires getting too big..."
his rubber soles began to shuffle against the beaten road around the car. he displayed his panic with cries for help. the flames grew closer.
and they began to hug my body. i could feel my skin evaporate into the quarantined capsule. the aroma of me dying escaped through the open wounds of my upside car as i became a candle for the passing airplanes. this is my day, and the day belonged to me.
the sounds of the stranger, and the events that unfolded around me began to stir together into an echo down a drain. i could hear the black keys of the piano being stomped out like a cigarette.
and i open my eyes slowly.
i stared
with bloodshot eyes that felt like river channels over a milky sea
...and i would send my visions adrift.
...i felt the flames deflating my skin over my arthritis diagnosed bones
...i felt the devil tapping my ribs like a typewriter. this will be my going away message to my parents.
"this is my diploma,
this is my permission slip" it read,
i pluck the eyelashes that made her so pretty and sign it with a vision of my forefathers who did the same upon the declaration of independence.
and for once..
... i felt the sense of patriotism.
the exhaust of the car starting to sing a lullaby as carbon and oxygen held hands while i breathed them in like little thieves.
a light began to leak through my eyelashes. i did my best to muscle up my lids, but they felt like lead weights. with every shade of light that broke through, i could make out figures hovering over my body…
i felt it shake from left to right while the sirens echoed up and down the city streets.
i felt the pretty instruments rattling amongst the shelves, anxious to be used.
i couldn't move.
..i couldn't speak.
…i couldn't care.
all i could do was think.
and i was vulnerable...
"he's suffering from 3rd degree burns…."
"…whats his blood type…"
"…will his body reject it…."
"..does he have any family…"
"..can you contact his insurance agency…"
the scattered sentences and broken dialogues offered no information to my condition.
the nurses talked with love
the doctors talked with smart and medical terms while i lay in discomfort as i hear the final beats of my heart scratch away my cavities like a record player needle.
